The post below appeared at http://www.fortylicious.ca/blog/2012/01/my-40s-years/
yesterday (January 18, 2012).
My friend Heather who operates the site asked me if I would like to provide a guest blog. I was happy to do so.
My 40′s Years
My Twitter pal Heather Held from http://www.fortylicious.ca asked me a couple of weeks ago if I would do a guest blog post for her site.
I guess she had read a couple of my personal blog entries and liked what she saw.
For those that don’t know, Fortylicious.ca is a web site started by Heather and Dena Pollack as a cool site for people in their 40’s to hang around, read interesting articles, seek expert advice and share things in common with other folks in their 40’s.
Heather asked me if I could talk about being in my 40’s. At first I felt kind of weird about it since I am at the far end of this age group. I’ll be 49 in June.
When I mentioned this to Heather she said to do a piece summarizing something about my 40’s years. Now why didn’t I think of that.
At first I was wondering what to say. Then it came to me.
Some huge and very important things have happened over the last 9 years.
In January 2003, my wife and I packed up from Ontario which was the only province we had both ever known as home, and moved our family to New Brunswick.
Second and more importantly, I have watched my two little twin guys go from being wee kids of 3 years old to become pretty darn close to adults at 13 years old.
These boys were barely up to my waist when they were 3. Now, they are 5’10 and 5’11 tall and have size 12 feet! The good thing with this is that when I am going out I can have my pick of the shoes at the door. They all fit except that the boys shoes are actually big on me. I’m serious. My feet are only a men’s size 10 ½ to 11. Lol.
Think about this though.
In my mind, there are really only 2 stages in life. Childhood and adulthood.
The teen years are sort of a limbo in between but I classify them as almost being in adulthood. Of course old age is adulthood as well but sometimes with a sad regression to childhood.
Within one decade of my life, my 40’s, I have watched my twin sons go from childhood into adulthood.
When I was 39, my sons were little guys singing in their car seats in the back of the car as we travelled.
Now I am almost 49 and both of my sons now have wonderful young ladies as girlfriends and sit in the back seat holding hands with them as I drive.
Many who read this are probably thinking “Girlfriends?? At 13??”. I would usually agree with you but I have to tell you that these kids are mature, responsible and polite about their “relationships”.
Cheryl and I have become friends with the girls’ parents and spent New Year’s Eve with them at our house. It was very nice.
When I was 39, the boys were barely able to stand up on skates and needed us walking with them on the ice holding their hands.
Now I am almost 49, these same boys stand over 6 feet tall on skates and fly like the wind out there in their hockey games.
One is consistently one of the top scorers on the team while the other is one of the best defencemen in the league and guards that blue line like an officer on the beat.
When they were little almost every moment of their young lives was tied in with my wife and I.
Over the last little while we are becoming less of a factor in what goes on in their lives.
That’s not really a negative thing. It is terribly sad to me but it’s a sign that my sons are maturing and becoming more independent. This will serve them well in the years to come.
Two little boys into two handsome young men in less than one decade of my life. That’s pretty huge.
The last and unfortunately the saddest thing about the years in my 40’s have been those that I have lost.
When I was in my 20’s I lost one of my closest friends to cancer. At that time I had never experienced the passing of someone that close to me before. It took a very long time for me to be able to put that loss into a section of my brain so that the pain was lessened. I didn’t think that anything could hurt as much as losing a close pal that I had known almost all of my life.
Then about nine years ago shortly after we moved to New Brunswick we lost my stepfather to cancer. He and my mother had been together for over 20 years but had only been oficially married for a couple of years when this happened.
The worst thing about losing him was that I was all the way over here in New Brunswick while my mother and sister were in Ontario trying to deal with his passing.
It wasn’t easy trying to help mom but we did the best that we could do a couple of provinces away.
Uncle Maurice was my great-uncle. My father’s uncle. He was one of my favourite people in the whole world. I had loved him like crazy for my whole life. One would be hard-pressed to find someone as personable, easy going and fun as Uncle Maurice.
In fact, people in Fredericton still talk about him with great fondness.
When we were moving to New Brunswick one of the biggest things that I was looking forward to was finally being close enough to Uncle Maurice to be able to see him often and let our boys get to know him.
Uncle Maurice passed away with the first few months of our coming out here and we never did get to hang out with him as I had hoped.
In August 2008 my beautiful little sister Hayley passed away of cancer.
A few months later on New Year’s Eve we lost my mother to cancer as well.
As hard as Andy’s passing had been to me when I was in my 20’s the passing of my mother and sister a couple of years ago has had the most profound effect on me.
I guess if one tries to weigh things out the years of my 40’s haven’t been so great but they haven’t been completely rotten have they?
I’m not going to say anything to predict what my 50’s will hold. I don’t dread them as many people do. A year is only a measure of time after all.
True age is a mental state.
Just try to enjoy today and continue along safely and I think everything will be just fine.
Tim is a 40-something part-time municipal councillor, current provincial government employee, married father of 13 year-old twin sons who lives in New Brunswick, Canada and has no problem telling the world exactly what is on his mind.
His personal blog page can be found at http://tim4nm.blogspot.com/