As strange as this sounds, after watching the Riverdale series finales the other night I was so affected by the feelings of endings and saying goodbye and wishing that I could go back to places in my past.
There are a couple of things that contributed to my emotions which I have not mentioned on here.
My father, Doug Scammell passed away a few months ago. It was unexpected and I never got to say goodbye. When I got to the hospital he was already gone. My son Tyler was the one who found him.
My step-mother was in Florida at the time and messaged me to check on Dad who was at their house. He did not go to Florida. I was in the middle of something so I asked Tyler to drop over and see how Dad was.
He found him on the ground. He had fallen and hit his head. We're not sure of why or any other details.
Damn, I should have been the one to go over there. I haven't really talked about that day with Tyler or Braydon who rushed over when Tyler called.
So now my nuclear first family of Mom, Hayley, Dad and me is now just me.
Something about my dad is that he took many, many photos. His cousin worked at Kodak and got them processed for free. So Dad had slides. More slides than I realized.
When my stepmother sold the house we trucked over 7 large totes and 1 wooden box of slides.
When dad got the slides developed he would show them once or twice and then put them away. So there are many photos in there that I have never seen.
It's a but of a gut punch when I run into these pics of us that I didn't know exist. For the past few months I have been going through these thousands of slides and digitizing the important ones.
I've been posting them to my Facebook as well as the Willowdale page. I'm happy to say that people are really enjoying them. The page administrator really appreciates my contributions as well as the page members. It's a very emotional task but worthy.
Many of the photos I have found are from multiple birthday parties when we were very young. It looks like a wild time with kids everywhere loading up on junk and sweets. A perfect time.
In several of the photos there is a cute little blonde girl named Robyn. She and I were great friends for many years until her mother remarried and the family moved away. I think I was 8 or 9.
When she was moving I took a box of chocolates over to her. We were at her front door. I handed her the chocolates and then we kissed.
It was the first ever romantic-ish kiss for me and I found out years later for her too.
Several years ago we connected on Facebook and became friends again.
I found out last week from a post from her son that Robyn had just passed away a few days prior.
I felt a shadow cross my heart.
So you see, It's been am emotional time of late and last night I decided to say it to my Willowdale friends.
So here it is:
I don’t know how many of the people on here watched the series finale of Riverdale last night and felt what I did. First, the similarity of the name with Willowdale isn’t lost on me.
It was so sad and bittersweet. I’m not going to spoil it for anyone but it hit home hard.
We were like last night’s Riverdale.
To be nearing the end of a long life and ache to get back when it was so much to be with our friends and family.
I think it’s a combination of turning 60 and losing friends and family as we are.
Add this to all of the slides of my father’s that I’ve been going through since his passing.
I’ve spent hours going through memories that I had long forgotten. So many times I’m feeling “God, I wish I could go back to that.”
All the scout camps, weeks spent in summers with guys (and girls), on northern Ontario islands. Jamborees across the country with guys who were the brothers I never had. Hockey teams of guys who were wild on the ice and off but we were a team. And that was family.
Family trips across the globe and spending time with friends and family that we never thought would end. And they would always be there for the next time we visited. Until they weren’t anymore. The warm feelings of the first kiss, that made me smile when she jokingly mentioned it to me a few years ago when we reconnected on Facebook, and the sadness of finding out from her son last week that she had passed away. I had just found several slides of her just recently at my old birthday parties.
And my baby sister Hayley.
The best little sister I could ever have asked for. She did a pretty great job of stopping me from doing stupid things. She advised me on the smart things to do. I protected her when I could. I feel badly for the occasional boy who may have expressed an interest in her and decided not to pursue it after meeting me. Going through these slides has knocked me for a loop many times. Yes, we were close.
Pictures of my family that I haven’t seen in years. Some that I never have seen until now.
Great pets that we have had in our lives and remember them like it was yesterday, even if it was many yesterdays ago now.
When we look at group and family photos now and count how many are no longer with us, and end up with more people gone than still with us.
I hope that I will meet all of you again and get a hug.
I wish that I could have had a chance to say goodbye to my father but I take some satisfaction in the knowledge that I ended all of our conversations with “I love you”. I was there when mom passed and I got to say goodbye. I had a chance to be with Hayley and talk to her while she slept before she passed.
My point is this.
Tell the people you love that you love them.
Tell the people that you like that you like them.
Enjoy every moment with your friends and when someone wants to take a photo then smile and make the photo wonderful. If you don’t like having your picture taken just suck it up!
There is a good chance that one day many years from now someone is going to browse through those photos and admire that person with the warm sincere smile.
Even if we are gone our smiles will still be around.
Take good care,
Tim
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment