Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Anniversary...

It's coming up to a year since my beautiful little sister died.
August 29th to be exact.
Anyone who knows me and has read this blog knows the details so I don't need to go back into them again.
Thank you for that.
I had a note from a longtime friend of the family the other day.
In it she mentioned that she was thinking of me as the one year mark of Hayley's passing approaches.
She also mentioned that she had been in touch with my aunt who also lives in England.
This aunt is my mother's sister and the friend was mom's close friend since childhood.
She mentioned that the two of them had called my brother in law's house recently and left messages that they were thinking of him at this time.
They had not heard back from him.
I'm not sure if they are surprised about this or not.
Right off the start I want it clear that I love them very very much and their hearts are absolutely in the right place.
As are the hearts of everyone who sends me messages of love in what they know will be a tough time for us.
But I'm pretty sure that they will not be getting a call back from my brother in law. I say this because I think I know how he feels.
I feel the same way.
Maybe I'm wrong and maybe I am different from some people but I am doing everything I can to ignore the day.
I want to be so damn busy that I don't even know what month I'm in.
Then I'll wake up the next day and it will be the 30th. Just another day on the calendar.
This isn't going to be easy and I know it will be impossible to avoid some days.
Mom died on New Years Eve last year.
The only way to get past the first anniversary of mom's passing will be to totally focus on the fact that New Years Eve is the gateway into another fresh year.
I'll do my best.
As I know the rest of my family and friends are. Just get through another day and before you know it another week has passed. Then a month.
And then a year.
I'm convinced that the year is the hardest since it is what birthdays are based on.
When it's turned around to a death day it is so much stronger emotionally. To me anyway.
So, I have plenty going on these days. I think I'll be okay.
For those who are thinking about my family and I, thank you. We love you for it.
For those who send messages I thank you too and love you just as much.
I'm not going to end this one with a witty phrase or clever line.
I just want to say thank you to everyone for being there and for caring as you do.
One year at a time, right?

Stay well,
Tim


Sent on the TELUS Mobility network with BlackBerry

2 comments:

Charles LeBlanc said...

Has it been one year already????

Was it one year ago you made the front page?

Hang in there....

:)

Rhonda Merkley Maccarone said...

Hey, Tim. I don't think we ever truly get over losing those we love. Your sister and your mother will always be a part of your heart and memories. The pain will become less and less intrusive in your life as time goes by, but you'll never completely get over the loss. You will however be able to hurdle the pain and bask in the memories of yesterday which will bring complete and total joy to your heart as you recall each precious moment. Thinking of and praying for you Tim.